depressed

somehow i'm still alive today... yesterday night i thought i was going to drown in my own blood, as i lay there, supposed to be sleeping. 『drown in blood』 actually just makes me laugh usually... maybe i'm demented or something...

image that automatically comes to my mindXD

but really, i starting to doubt that its going to stop bleeding, as i'm typing i'm clutching this ice pack and tasting the blood. thought i would have gotten used to it by now, but i'm not. blood tastes DISGUSTING.its salty and just bleeh. i wonder how much more i'll swallow before i finally go sick, people get some sort of disease if they eat too much raw stuff, cause of the blood right? if i swallow too much of my own blood does that mean i'm going to get that disease too? or maybe just turn into a vampireXD if i was a twiligt fan, i would be soo happy right now. too bad i'm not.

on the bright side... i cant think of one actually, other than not needing to go back to school yet if its still bleeding than, which is pointless anyways, cause i want to get out of this damned house. thanks to my parents changing the schedule of my operation, my hols have pretty much gone to waste, nothing to eat, cant go out, sitting in front of the comp the whole day cause theres nothing else to do, studying. i would have prefered to skip reflection day, it was just a whole lot of bullshit anyways. though i can't say i regret going to alice betteridge, the kids there were ADORABLE~♥♥ in fact i'm really happy to have met them.

sigghh... if i die, i'm going to die unhappily full of self contradictions and being pissed at myself--->